SCREENPLAY: The Reformatory

‘Ana, isn’t it nice when there’s someone to help you in the daily chores—and you get some spare time to finish the pending chores? Do you also feel that a woman’s first priority should be the kitchen?, asked Ana’s friend, Naina.

‘Of course not, Naina! It is good to have someone who can help us in chores. We save time! Why?’

 

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‘My sister-in-law, Gauri has come for a vacation to stay with us. She’s such an amazing cook. She has been cooking since two days while I go to work—after lending her hand in the basic chores, of course. I come back, we have dinner and we then keep gossiping all night. Yesterday, since it was a weekend, Gauri planned to cook a fancy dish and asked my husband to get the ingredients and stuff. We were in the kitchen when Gauri told me to go and take care of rest of the pending chores while she managed the lunch. I then planned to do the dusting, mop, sweep, do the laundry, and clean the washroom while she cooks. I also planned to do the dishes after we all have lunch. Husband came and asked Gauri where I was. I could hear them talking from the washroom though. Here’s what they said:

He asked, ‘Where is Naina?’

She said, ‘She is cleaning the washroom, brother.’

‘Why the hell is she cleaning washrooms? Why doesn’t she like to stay in the kitchen? Gauri, just ask her to get back in the kitchen and teach her some cooking and stuff. Why can’t she behave like a good woman? Why does she always have to avoid kitchen chores all the time?’

‘What’re you saying, bro? I only asked her to finish rest of the home chores. She anyway has been cooking every day. What’s wrong if I cook while she does other chores? She has been cleaning all day. You’re not helping her either. How much will she manage?’

‘Don’t disobey, Gauri. She should be doing all the cooking AND the home chores as well. She has to. And she should. Enough of her disobedience and misbehavior. I will have to take lessons and make her improve herself.’

‘What!? Improve? What problem does he have even though two women in the house are managing the home chores? And improve? What’s your place? A reformatory, Naina?’

‘That’s the problem, Ana. Doesn’t matter who the woman is—daughter or daughter-in-law—the men of this reformatory get to decide who will take care of which home chore and who won’t and how. Ironically, these are then same men who get their little egos hurt if they have to get a glass of water for themselves.’

SCREENPLAY: Astrologer

‘You want to go out somewhere, Ana? Movie? Decide right now, else you’ll be irritating me that I never let you decide…’

‘Yes, we can… Which one?’

‘Check the schedule and book the tickets. I will come with you.’

‘Okay… Hey, can we also go for a haircut? You also wanted to get a haircut, right? There’s one good unisex saloon near the multiplex itself… You never tried that saloon, right?’

‘Nope. It’s not worth it. What’s with Rs. 400 for a haircut and you don’t even look any different anyway. Such a waste. Anyway, did you pay the house-maids?’

‘Ummm… Actually I forgot to take out some cash from the ATM. Will do that tomorrow.’

‘Okay. Book the tickets now.’

‘Aadi, why am I the only one always booking tickets? Do you never get that feeling that we should go out for a movie? Am I always forcing you to come with me? As if you’re uninterested but you are just coming along because I have already booked the tickets…’

‘No, I can book. But you’re earning too. You can also book. I am at least paying the house rent. What’s the big deal?’

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‘I don’t have problem with that—even though I am not even earning 10% of you… But it just makes me feel that every time…’

‘Listen Ana… I am not going to pay for your useless luxury expenses… You know—movie, haircut, threading, waxing, shopping, chocolates, balloons, roses… I am not earning for wasting money on such things. Also, back at my place, we don’t keep any maids—but you want a maid, since you won’t quit your hectic job, so you pay her. However, if you want me to pay them, or you want me to give you money, ask me for money. Say that Aadi, I need money, please give me some money. Remind me. I will give you.’

‘What are you saying, Aadi? You’re totally misunderstanding what I meant. Also, why will I ask you for money when I already have and I can afford the maids? It’s not about money…’

‘Here it comes! The entire ego, Ana! Listen, I am just making clear that I am not going to pay for such stupid stuff you need for pure entertainment. Plus if you want money, ask for it. If not once, ask twice. And again. I am no astrologer who can predict what’s on your mind. You got to ask. Otherwise, your useless expense, you deal with the shit.’